Ok, this is kind of a hard fact for me to reckon with but I am jobless. I have been since I left Colombia because that job wasn't giving me what I wanted. I felt I was putting a lot in and not getting much in return. And now I'm just around, living in Venezuela, learning about people and myself. My journey up until this point has been relatively fulfilling, first school and working in the summers, then working at the lab, reffing, tutoring, coaching, and then teaching. But the truth is that I haven't been this "free" since I was 17; and further, I haven't been this poor since then either. So my next job will most definitely not be something I can be picky about, if it puts money in the hands of my loans and debts, then it works for me. However, what I want to focus on today is WORK in general. What thoughts people have on its purpose in our lives as both Americans and Venezuelans (and people of the world). How do I view work in my life and what do I hope to find in it and give to the world through it?
I had a very enlightening converstaion with a good friend the other day about working and money. They gave me a great perspective on what they find important about work and also what they leave at work and really live. We had been talking about why it is important to them to work, their reason being money, the ability to pay for things around their house and to buy things when they wanted without asking their partner for money. Basically, they worked out of necessity to bring in income to provide for the family. They don't especially like or dislike their job, and they dislike bringing work home or talking to people at parties about their work or answering questions about work matters during social events. They work standard hours and hardly ever stay later than necessary at work. Sounds like plenty of people we know right? Work doesn't form part of their identity (or any giant part). They live, and identify themselves (for the most part, it seems) by their other relationships, family, likes, and accomplishments of their life and their kids' lives. I like that, I get that. But what about me?
It seems to me that during the early adult years of our lives, we spend a lot of time, energy, and money educating ourselves (or not), trying to attain something better than minimum wage, whether it's from social pressure, parental pressure, or just a drive to do something satisfying for 40 hours a week to put money in our bank accounts. We do internships, presentations, interviews, and standardized tests to get into positions that lead to promotions which, part by part, give us a CV full of experiences; something to show. And after all that work that we put in, is that a big part of who we are? I think so, but I can't be sure. There is a lot of time in there spent with others, relationships and spirituality and dreams and goals not pertaining to great careers.
This question is haunting me particularly right now because I'm in limbo. In response to the question "what do you do?" my answer is honestly, "try to learn Spanish and enjoy Venezuelan culture." I'm not ashamed, I feel young and limitless (though less limitless than when I was in college, as the post college realization that every choice made in one direction cuts off other paths or specializations and in the end, I can't actually be ANYTHING). I feel excited, though it's speckled with realizations of the need to really work for the things that make me excited. And I feel like identity is more than a job. I am more than what I do or don't do to make money. I am more than just some schlub on a couch in Venezuela living out an extended vacation. I am a learner, an adventurer, a listener, an understander, a dreamer, a wonderer, and a writer.
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